Sinking In The Storm with Shattered Dreams
by herlemoncakes
Summary: Can Sansa take it all in? An affair with Sandor Clegane weeks before her wedding to Tyrion. All she see's when she closes her eyes is the crossbow, his head, and Joffrey. Non-Canon
1. Chapter 1

She was quickly walking down the corridor from her chambers where she left Shae toward the bathing rooms. Before then Shae and her were arguing over Tyrion and Sandor, Shae found out about her and Sandor and told Sansa she knew and that Sansa had to tell Tyrion.

She knew Sandor was nearby and Tyrion was coming to escort her to lunch as he always did before their wedding.

She was frustrated and upset. She didn't want to see anyone. She heard Shae following her and following her was Sandor. She darted into the bathing rooms. Knowing there was no lock she found a way to keep them out. Outside the door she heard Shae and Sandor and Tyrion. They wanted to know what was going on. Shae kept saying she didn't understand why Sansa would run into here.

She kept silent, trying to muffle her sobs. The pictures in her mind were driving her mad. The crossbow. His head. Joffrey. She kept seeing those pictures in her mind. It wasn't the first time.

She looked over at the in-ground tubs. She knew what she had to do. Before everything was ruined. More ruined than it is now. To stop the pictures. To stop everything. She stepped toward the in-ground tubs then looking back at the door hearing whispers of the three.

She looked down in the filled tub. She sat down on the stone floor and took off her shoes and slowly slipped into the warm water. She knew they probably heard. Shae called out "Sansa? Are you alright?" Sansa didn't answer.

Shae was the person she could trust the most. But that wasn't stopping her from what she was doing. Their whispers continued.

She was fully clothed in the tub. The pictures weren't stopping. The crossbow. His head. Joffrey. Over and over. She didn't want to do this but she did.

She turned to face the edge of the tub, holding on to it. Taking deep breaths and looking up at the door again. She looked down into the water, her tears dripped into the water. She whispered _" I'm sorry"_ over a thousand times.

Now Shae, Sandor and Tyrion were desperate to get in.

She ducked into the water. She was still holding on to the ledge. Her head was in the water. She held her breath as long as she could. She was quickly running out of air. A part of her wanted to stop and realize this would be pathetic of her to do. The other part was telling her she had to do it. The pictures were still there. The crossbow. His head. Joffrey. She started to struggle to keep her head under the water.

_"How much longer?"_ she asked herself every second. She didn't see the crossbow, his head or Joffrey any more.

She was close. So close…


	2. Chapter 2

She was in and out of conciousness. Just then she heard the door swing open and Shae, Sandor, and Tyrion hurry in. She heard Shae yelling and Tyrion yelling but in a distance. She felt herself letting go of the edge. No more struggle. She then felt hands on her.

It went black. _"Were they too late?" "Did I do it?"_ It was silent.

It slowly became light. It was no longer warm but very cold. _"Is that air or water in my lungs?"_ Water came up her throat and she coughed it up. She knew the answer now… it was air. _"No! No! No!"_she thought. Then it went black again.

When it went light again. She was warm but not wet anymore. She clenched what felt like fabric is her fist. Where was she? She slowly started hearing people talking. There was Shae's voice, Sandor's, Tyrion's and… Cersei's. She couldn't open her eyes yet, she was not ready. She took a gasp of air. The pictures were back. She whispered "The crossbow. His head. Joffrey…" She drifted out of conciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

When she gained conciousness again. She felt someone's hand in hers. She heard his whispers "I'm sorry I can't be what you want" "I'm sorry" She realized it was Tyrion. She heard other muttered conversations in the room.

She wasn't ready to open her eyes to face everyone. But she had to this time. She took a deep breath then fluttered her eyes open. It was blurry at first when she came to focus she seen everyone looking at her. Shae, Sandor, Tyrion and lastly, Cersei. She expected one of them to scream at her what the hell she was thinking but no one said a word.

Cersei stepped forward and broke the silence. "Sansa?" Her eyes shifted over to her, to give her her attention. She spoke again "What do you mean by "The crossbow. His head. Joffery"? What does that mean, you were whispering it while you were out."

She cleared her throat, her voice cracked at first "_The pictures…" _Cersei looked at her "What pictures Little Dove?" "_In my head…"_ "What do they mean?" _"The crossbow… that Joffrey pointed at me when… my brother won victory at the Battle of Oxcross, his head is my fathers head… when he brought me to Traitors Walkway… and Joffrey for all he has done to me…" _She feels tears fill her eyes. She then felt a squeeze from her hand which was still in Tyrion's. Her eyes shifted toward him she gave him a weak smile. She looked back at Cersei "You may rest now, Little Dove" then watched her leave her chambers.

She carefully sits up with the help of Tyrion and Shae. She looks up at Shae _"It's not your fault, this mess isn't your fault." _She looks over at Tyrion "_Neither is it yours" _then over at Sandor "_Nor yours. Just mine"_

She watches Shae grab a goblet of water and passes it to her. She takes a drink from it, she thanks Shae with a smile and a polite nod.

No one said anything when Cersei left. She wish someone would say something. Was there anything to say any ways? She looked at each of them, she seen exhaustion and shock in them. She wanted to apologize, but she thought it wouldn't be enough to be forgiven because of what she put them through earlier. _"You all should go get some rest, I'll be okay." _They all looked at her strangely. Sandor finally spoke "One of us has to stay with you so you won't do anything bizarre like earlier." No one moved or said anything. She then laid back down as she grew tired. Her eyes slowly shut on their own and she quickly fell asleep again.


	4. Chapter 4

When she woke, there was no sun coming through the curtains. It was dark. _"How late is it?" _she asked herself. Tyrion nor Sandor were not there in her chambers, they must of left, she thought. Her eyes wandered the room then she seen Shae curled up in the armchair near the bed. She let Shae sleep. She needs it.

She looked over the table and seen her dinner. She slowly got up and tiptoed toward the table and sat down. She stuffed her face with the food, "Very unladylike" her mother would of said. She was starved she couldn't remember the last time she ate. When she finished she wiped her mouth.

She looked over at Shae, she was awake and looking right at her.

"_Hi…" _she spoke

"What were you thinking Sansa?" Shae exclaimed

"_I don't know… I didn't want to see those things in my head anymore… I wanted everything to stop… away from Joffrey…" _she felt tears in her eyes again. _"I'm sorry…"_

"You scared me Sansa, actually you scared everyone. I thought it was all my fault…"

Before Shae could say anything more "_Nothing is your fault though, not even close._

They both went silent. "_Where did Tyrion and Sandor go?"_

"Tyrion knows… Sandor told him."

Her eyes widened "_And?"_

"Tyrion was surprised and okay with it but it has to end whatever else it is you two have before the wedding."

_"But…" _she took a moment to think about what she was going to say "_I suppose you're right…"_

"Tyrion went to bed, he will be back in the morning with Cersei. I don't know where Sandor went."

She nodded

"Tyrion wants to have lunch with you also"

"_Alright" _

__She told Shae that she could go back to sleep but in her bed. She denied but Sansa made her anyways. Once she knew Shae was asleep she slowly slipped out of her chambers and walked up the corridor, knowing she shouldn't but she didn't care. She absent-mindedly walked up the corridor not knowing where her feet were taking her.


	5. Chapter 5

Her feet led her to Sandor's chambers, she thought _"I can't... I shouldn't be here." _Just then she found herself knocking on the door, before she could leave the door suddenly opens and he was standing there in front of her.

"Sansa? Why on Earth are you here? Where is Shae?"

She looks up at him "_I didn't mean to bother you, I know it's late but... Shae is sleeping... I sorta snuck out"_

"Sansa you can't be here, too many people know."

She raises her eyebrow "_Oh? You mean Shae and Tyrion"_

"Yes, it's not safe you can't trust anyone here! You should go back to bed you don't know what you are doing. Should I take you back?"

_"No I'm not going anywhere."_

"You can't be here or out and about wandering, it's not safe. We can't do this any more."

"_What? What do you mean? No you can't just make me go away just like that!"_

__"Shh... there's people sleeping in case you didn't know. I'll take you back to your chambers and we'll talk about this tomorrow."

_"No I won't go. I want to talk about it now." _She steps toward him. "_We promised each other we won't let anything or anyone get in our way, what happened to that?"_

__"Sansa you know why. Keeping this a secret was driving you mad. This is why you did what you did."

_"You think that's why? You think I can't haddle this? I am not a child!"_

__She couldn't stand being there any more. She turned around and quickly walked away. She heard Sandor telling her to come back but she ignored him. She was too upset, she felt tears form in her eyes. She wasn't paying attention to where she was walking and just then she bumped into someone.


	6. Chapter 6

She looked up at who she bumped into. Her eyes widened.

_No... no... no..._ She thought when she saw Joffrey standing before her. His guards not far behind me. His smirk pierced through her.

"I'm... I'm so-sorry, your G-Grace.." she avoided his gaze. "I-I was just heading to my chambers..."

His hand grabbed her chin and made her look right at him. "I was looking for you. I didn't find you in your bed, like Mother had said you would've been, but here you are."

_He knows something... _She thought

She couldn't speak right now, she was frightened so she watched him.

He turned his head to look at Ser Boros and Ser Mervyn and nodded. She began to shake and she wanted to run but she was still in his grasp. She wanted to cry.

_Please... no.._. She wanted to beg just then Ser Mervyn grabbed her and Joffrey started walking they followed him to his chamber. He opened the door and Ser Mervyn had to drag her in. Joffrey ordered them to put her on the bed. She struggled against them, she was hit then. Before she knew it she was pinned down by both Ser Boros and Ser Mervyn and Joffrey was towering over her. She couldn't control herself she started to cry.

The men and Joffrey laughed at her "Silly stupid fool you are, Sansa. Trying to kill yourself and then wandering out alone. You were always so stupid" he raised his hand and smirked down at her "Now that no one is around to watch just you, me and my men" she then hit her across the face several times, her face stung. She felt his hands go under her skirts. She pushed her thighs together to stop him but her legs were pulled apart. She squirmed.

"Stop! Please stop it! Just stop!" she cried out. She took another blow to the face. Whatever she done was useless they had her there was nothing that could of been done. Her dress was now unlaced falling off her. His fingers, his evil fingers were rubbing her and inside her.

Just then before he could undo his breeches the door swung open. She could hear Tyrion and Shae. She was then hit again then blacked out.


	7. Chapter 7

She could hear shouting coming from Tyrion and Joffrey then came Cersei. She make out what they were shouting about but she already knew it was about what Joffrey just did to her. She could not see it was black. She tried to move but she was sore from his guards grip. She heard Shae soothing her, her arms were around her. She didn't want to know what state she looked like but she could imagine it was not good. She smelled and tasted blood. Was it too late? Did Joffrey do what he wanted? It is over?... _monster... he's a monster..._ She wanted to cry but she didn't remember how to.

She heard Tyrion yell "She's not yours to torture anymore!"

"It seems you aren't doing your job as a husband, she deserves the punishment"

"Enough!" Ceresi interrupted before Tyrion could say anything in reply. "Where were her guards? The Hound? Someone? Where was everyone when she went wandering? Tell me now!"

She wanted to say it was her fault and no one elses. She couldn't hear anymore, everything went black.

She seen the mob... her father... Joffrey... the Hound saving her from the mob... the Hound... that's who she wanted... his rough hands on her body she liked it so much... they never done anything, he accepted what she wanted they did nothing more with there hands but caress the skin. They would lay like there for a while, pressed against each other. Her stomach fluttered then she seen the mob, her father and Joffrey again. Her stomach fluttered no more, she felt sick.

Stirred awake, it was no longer black. She was back to where she was. Shae was there with her with Tyrion. Her husband in just a few days maybe weeks now away. She started to shake, she felt lost and confused. What does she say now, what does she do? Shae soothed her like she did earlier, Tyrion took her hand

"I won't let Joffrey touch you no more, my lady."

She couldn't help but to cry. He was wrong he will harm her again, he is the king he does whatever pleases him because he is a monster.

"There are guards outside your door now, no need to be afraid"

The guards won't protect her from the things she sees in her mind or her terrible thoughts.

She wanted to speak but nothing came out as if she lost her will to speak. Everything she says is wrong, she gets beat anyway, her words are useless. It's best to stop speaking, she thought. Instead she squeezed his hand.

Hand maidens came in with the tub and filled it. Tyrion stepped out of the room. She was sore when she moved, she was striped and helped to move over to the tub and into it. She shivered as the last time she was in a tub she tried to kill herself.

As her hand maidens attended to her as she soaked in the tub. The gently rubbed her bruised skin. When it stung she gave them a glare. She wanted to sink under the water and stay there, like she attempted days ago but she was told things were to change. She hoped they were right. Her thoughts never stopped though, she started to cry again. They got her out of the tub when she was cleaned. They had her dressed and sat the table. She didn't want to eat, in fact she didn't want to anything. She stared at the food in front of her and Tyrion came back in to join her.

Just then there was a knock at the door. She started to shake again, wanting to cry again.


	8. Chapter 8

When there was a knock at the door both Shae and Tyrion looked at her, she nodded at Shae to answer it. She felt Tyrion's gentle squeezes from her hand to calm her. When Shae opened the door slowly she could hear them, she could hear him. Did she truly want to see him? Shae looked back from the door and gave Sansa a slight glare and Sansa nodded to let him in. Shae opened the door wider to let him in, his armour clanked as he moved.

"Lord Tyrion, Lady Sansa" She looked up at the Hound. She could felt Tyrion's glare.

"Leave us. All of you" she commanded. She knew both Tyrion and Shae were angry. "Now" they all left only her and the Hound. She stood up then he stepped to her, pulling her to him all of the sudden crushing his lips to hers. She didn't know what to do, she remember that she was angry with him but it was forgotten now. Her lips moved with his and her hands rested on his cheats as they kissed. Just then they were on the bed and his lips moved from hers to her bruised skin.

_No... no... yes... no..._

__"My sweet little bird... my sweet little bird..."

The anger rose within her, she began to shake again and on the edge of tears. "Where were you?" his lips at her neck stopped "Where were you?!" she repeated. He pulled back looking at her "I was drunk remember? You came to my chamber then you ran off and I must've passed out, my sweet little bird I'm so-"

Tears streamed down her face, she remembered it all too well. "You promised... you promised to protect me...you'd die for my protection you said! Get off me!"

"I can explain my sweet little bird" She made him all soft, he was no longer mean when he talk to her. She missed it when he did talk but she didn't mind him now. She was his weakness, he had said to her. As he was hers.

"Stop!"

He sighed deeply "I'm leaving"

She sat up to look at him she didn't know what to say she had a million questions to ask him "Where are you going? Are you coming back? For how long?"

"That's the thing"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not coming back to Kings Landing, I could take you with me, take you home"

Home? Home never felt so strange to think about it's been so long. There was nothing there any more for her. Her mother and brother Robb were fighting wars and making alliances. Her father, Bran and babe Rickon were dead. Possibly Ayra and Jon too... no one was there. It was all burned, it was all gone. "I have no home anymore" she looked away

"I can take you away then"

"You know I can't leave! Even how much I want it. I don't care that you would die to protect me! So much been lost, so much I've love. I can't risk loosing what I have now! My wedding-"

"The wedding you do not want"

"I know-"

"Apparently you don't know! You don't know what you want any more! I told you all of this is driving you made!"

He was right, she hated being wrong. The pictures came back Joffrey, the mob, her father, what had happened last night, Tyrion. She started to cry again. "My sweet little bird don't cry, you mustn't"

The tears weren't stopping, he was holding her to him to calm her. Everything continued to fun through her mind. _Stop... make them stop! _All she did was cry, nothing would ever stop them they were a lot stronger than her only something could...

"Kill me... kill me please... I can't handle is... I beg you..." she cried

"Stop talking nonsense, Sansa!"

"Make it all stop... kill me..." she curled up again like she does when nothing was going right.

She can hear him shouting for help now, she was so lost in her thoughts that she was lost and couldn't remember to function. She went numb. Tyrion and Shae return to her chambers then Tyrion leaves and returns with the maester. She was shaking , her arms were taken from her knees and she was laid on the bed and the maester that familiar liquid, the milk of the poppy.

She felt lips on her forehead, she knew they belonged to Sandor then her lips for a longing kiss that she could give back. Then he was gone.


End file.
